The Astonishing Colour of After by Emily X.R Pan

Title: The Astonishing Colour of After

Author: Emily X.R Pan

Publication Date: March 20th, 2018

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Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: when her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird.

Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, travels ot Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time. There, she is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. And as she grieves, she must try to reconcile the fact that ont he same day she kissed her best friend and longtime secret crush, Axel, her mother was taking her own life.

Review

The Astonishing Colour of After is a sad book. It's a bittersweet read about a young girl who tries to come to terms with the loss of her mother, questioning every moment that leads up to her death and everything that she will now have to face. I say bittersweet because underneath the grief, the guilt and the pain is a sense of hope, of renewal and of love.

 
The story itself progressed in a rather surprising way. I went into this expecting it to explore themes of loss, death and how to cope - a contemporary that would portray importance in relationships, what happens when you break and how to heal. TACA does this, it does. What I didn't expect though was the inclusion of magical realisim. Perhaps because I wasn't prepared for this aspect, as I kept reading, I found myself finding it harder to continue to connect with the story and the characters. My main issue lies in that I wasn't sure if I was meant to believe that what was happening to Leigh was real or rather a coping mechanism, something that was concocted from her imagination as a way to understand and process her emotions. I don't think there's anything wrong with imagining elaborate situations to cope with grief - everyone grieves differently - just in regards to the reading experience, I found that because I was questioning the plot constantly, it was jarring and I couldn't fully immerse myself into the book.

Despite how I felt reading this, it didn't take away from how beautifully written TACA was. X.R Pan's writing is vivid, easy to envision and I'm sure could draw on the feelings of many readers. She was able to depict the beauty of Taiwan, from the culture to the food and the small town that Leigh visits. I also loved how Leigh connected with not just her mother's family but her roots. I do think that the reading experience will be different for everyone, so whilst it may not have been amazing for me, it could be for you.