Why I Couldn't Stop Thinking About Everything I Never Told You

 Title: Everything I Never Told You

Author: Celeste Ng

Publication Date: June 26th 2014

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Lydia is dead. But they don't know it yet.

So beings the exquisite novel about a Chinese-American family living in the 1970s small-town Ohio. Lydia is the favourite child of Marilyn and James Lee, and her parents are determined that she will fulfil the dreams they were unable to pursue. But when Lydia's body is found in the local lake, the delicate balancing act that has been keeping the Lee family together is destroyed, tumbling them all into chaos. 

Review

I bought this book on a whim, intrigued by the mystery behind what happened to Lydia but also about how Celeste Ng would address the issues surrounding the death of a family member. What I got out of the read was a lot more than that. Everything I Never Told You isn’t a long read, but for the length of it, there is so much to unpack. In all honesty, what I felt after finishing the book was a lot of confusion - not regarding the plot, but how I actually felt about the read. So much that it’s taken me almost 9 months to write a review on this.

Thinking back, I honestly appreciate how real Everything I Never Told You is. It’s painfully and uncomfortably real. Ng explores not only the dynamics of a family that is faced with internal problems but also the pressures of being Asian navigating a Western community that, during the time, was not tolerant of people with different backgrounds.

I would imagine that living in the 70s in America wouldn’t be as easy as how my family and I have it now. I wouldn’t say that we don’t experience some form of discrimination, but it is definitely not an everyday occurrence and it never hindered my experiences during school or university for the most part. Ng highlights the difficulties many families of different backgrounds would have faced when living in a predominately, if not all, white community and it serves to either be relatable, for readers like myself, or raise awareness for readers who have never experienced discrimination based on race. What I found most relatable and terribly uncomfortable reading was the pressures of trying to fit in and being accepted. From Lydia’s grandparents to her parents and eventually herself, the desire to be liked by those around them may not always be a glaring want but it is a constant thought on the edge of their mind. The questions of accepting one-self for who they are vs. grasping onto any means of conforming is such a big part of this story and something I can understand. I found myself both frustrated but also sympathetic with the characters, wanting to knock some sense into them but also to comfort them and let them know it will be okay. 

Despite the characters written in such a realistic manner, I couldn’t bring myself to like any of them. Maybe the frustrations I had with them and their actions overwhelmed my ability to feel bad for them overall. I think it came down to how human they are - not that I don’t like humans. Instead, what I mean is that, we are so use to thinking of the present and how we want to act a certain way or say something in the moment but not consider what the consequences will be for ourselves and others around us in the near future. The lack of perspective from most of the characters and their inability to really think of the people who they supposedly care about and care about them really painted them in a bad light. It really asks the questions of whether good intentions, or the belief that you are acting out of good intentions, an excuse for terrible behaviour? If it is possible to disregard everyone else’s feelings to fulfil your own wants and needs and not come across as selfish? And ultimately, if the mere act of forgiveness can really make everything okay again. 

Cleary I was very emotionally invested in Everything I Never Told You, but not in the way I thought I would be. I went into it hoping to be engrossed by the mystery but came out with an abundance of emotions that sprung from so many questions during the read. I honestly love reading books that can engage with you and make you think about every element that is being brought. I feel like everyone will take something different out of this read. For me, it is what can be considered right or wrong, how do we best understand and acknowledge others’ feelings and what can we do with regret. 

Everything I Never Told You is well worth a read, based purely on the content. Ng writing adds to the experience, inviting readers to really envision everything on page and get on board the rollercoaster of emotions that will happen. 

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Ya Girl Makes A Comeback on YouTube With Book Recommendations for Self-Isolation

Well, well, well. If this isn't the comeback of the new decade.

Ok but all jokes aside, this is my first book-related video in 9 months.

I started a YouTube channel 8 years ago!! And for a long time it was my baby. I loved being able to talk about books, but gradually couldn't find the time for it anymore.

If this isn't the best time to make a comeback, I'm not sure when it will be.

With us staying at home to ensure we are flattening the curve and protecting those around us, myself, along with many others I'm sure, now have a lot of time to do well ... whatever it is we can think of. Well I'm here to give you some book recommendations to get you through this period! These are books I've read and loved in the last 5-10 years.

I hope you enjoyed watching! Please let me know if you will read any of these or have read them and what you think. Take care to stay happy and healthy everyone!

What Are You Reading Currently?

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Jessica Townsend Continues To Shine With Wundersmith: The Calling of Morrigan Crow

Title: Wundersmith: The Calling of Morrigan Crow

Series: Nevermoor #2

Author: Jessica Townsend

Publication Date: October 30th 2018

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Morrigan Crow may have defeated her deadly curse, passed the dangerous trials and joined the Wundrous Society, but her journey into Nevermoor and all its secrets has only just begun. And she is fast learning that not all magic is used for good.

Morrigan Crow has been invited to join the prestigious Wundrous Society, a place that promised her friendship, protection and belonging for life. She's hoping for an education full of wunder, imagination and discovery - but all the Society want to teach her is how evil Wundersmiths are. And someone is blackmailing Morrigan's unit, turning her last few loyal friends against her. Has Morrigan escaped from being the cursed child of Wintersea only to become the most hated figure in Nevermoor?

Worst of all, people have started to go missing. The fantastical city of Nevermoor, once a place of magic and safety, is now riddled with fear and suspicion. 

Review

It has been some time between reading The Trials of Morrigan Crow and Wundersmith, but I found that, much like other great fantasy novels, it was easy to slip back into the magical world of Nevermoor and be reunited with the unpredictable and adventurous journeys of Morrigan Crow.

In my previous review of the first instalment, I listed 3 reasons as to why I loved reading it and true to the nature of this series, those 3 things are consistent in Wundersmith. To put it briefly, I complimented the wonderful world of Nevermoor, the fact that the plot is simple yet, exciting and buildable and how Townsend exists to be a writer. All these still ring true. 

Wundersmith continues on with Morrigan’s new-found life in Nevermoor at the Wundrous Society. However, much like most of Morrigan’s life, there's always some form of obstacle that arises to challenge her existence. These obstacles are found in both Morrigan's school life and her wider community, which allowed for me to discover new magical skills and areas within the world that I found added to the depth of the world-building. Beyond adding adventure to the plot, Townsend is also able to utilise the different challenges Morrigan has to grapple with to explore the important notions of friendship, loyalty, discrimination and acceptance. I liked that whilst it was written for a younger readers, Townsend still managed to address these topics in an impactful way that resonated with me, who is much older than her target audience.

What I didn't touch on much during The Trials of Morrigan Crow's review is the characters. It's actually hard not to love, or at least enjoy, all the characters in this series. Each character has a unique quirk, something that makes them memorable, whether a major or minor character. There were new characters that added to the world-building, including Morrigan's classmates and teachers/staff members. It really came down to the way that Townsend writes her characters - the physical descriptions, personality and character arc - which makes it so enjoyable to learn about them.

I am so excited to get my hands on the 3rd instalment that’s due to come out in August this year. Middle grade will always have a huge part in my heart and it’s series like this that make it so. If you enjoy the likes of The Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland and yes Harry Potter I am positive you will enjoy joining Morrigan on her adventures in Nevermoor.  

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2020 Is Here But It Sure As Hell Was Not How I (or we) Imagined It To Be

The last time I checked in with everyone was February 2019. Also, ironically, it was to discuss what I had discovered around Melbourne and actually enjoying what our city has to offer. 

Lo and behold, a year later, we are all being confined to our homes in the wake of this unexpected pandemic. 

Honestly, it’s kind of hard to remember what I did get up to in the last year with our lives now being consumed by this virus and the uncertainty that it brings. In saying that, I definitely don’t want to focus on how chaotic life has become for everyone. I don’t want to add to the anxiety and stress many are experiencing now with a lot of the media reports being quite negative. 

So what did my life look like pre-COVID-19?

I went through a pretty tumultuous time during the first half of 2019, with something happening that really changed my life. I probably won’t touch on it much now but will address it sometime soon. 

Ever since then, I’ve focused a lot more on myself. It’s been a great self-discovery journey (I know, super cliché and slightly cringe) and if anything I find I am more in tune with my emotions, responses and perception of life. I’m constantly learning how to be kind to myself and find ways to heal. 

I started a new job! I swear I feel like every time I do end up writing a Talking Personal I always announce that I’ve changed jobs again. This time I joined the AFL industry, which I am a huge fan of but never thought I’d be involved in. If anything, it was a bit surreal because I actually also graduated with my Master of Criminology by June of last year, but wasn’t utilising it in this new job. It didn’t bother me that much. I think now I’ve come to realise that I wasn’t mentally ready to dive into the Criminology field, and as such, didn’t feel it fair to subject any organisations and its clients to my personal struggles. Whilst I didn’t see myself working in this industry, I have enjoyed every moment of it. The culture, the role itself and the goals we were achieving as a team all made the job exciting to go to every day. 

I spent a lot of time reconnecting with friends and family, which really lifted my spirits. In challenging times, a strong network of people are most needed, and I appreciated every person who made time for me and just made my day that bit better by building memories with me and making me laugh. I definitely did let loose a little too much over the holiday period, which meant I went into January committed to and successfully completing ‘Dry January’. My body was super thankful for that. 

About a month ago, my family and I took a trip to Vietnam to visit relatives. We really did get our family holiday in at the right time because we got back during mid-february and since then flights have been banned in and out of the country. It’s been 4 years since my last trip so it was great to see my relatives again and just appreciate the beauty of the motherland. The highlight of the trip was spending a weekend in Phu Quoc, an island just off Vietnam. We stayed at the JW Marriot Resort and it was breathtaking. 

Currently, work has been called off and I am just sitting at home these days trying to do my part in this social-distancing/lockdown phase. I’m not going to say it’s been fun, but we have the privilege of staying at home and feeling bored whilst many others are at the forefront of combatting this pandemic. I don’t think we can thank our healthcare workers who do go to work so that we can stay at home enough. I hope that everyone is taking care of themselves, staying healthy and happy. We will get through this together. 

I would love to know what you everyone is up to during this time. Please feel free to send through comments, find me on Twitter and slide into my DMs, or even send me an email at printedwords0861@gmail.com. 

Self-isolation can be lonely if we are not staying connected with people so I am all ears for anyone who wants to chat!

Take care and stay healthy!

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My Attempt At Explaining How Impressed I Was With Joe Cinque's Consolation by Helen Garner

Title: Joe Cinque's Consolation: A True Story of Death, Grief and the Law 
Author: Helen Garner
Publication Date: 1st January, 2004
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In October 1997, a clever young law student at ANU made a bizarre plan to murder her devoted boyfriend after a dinner party at their house. Some of the dinner guests - most of them university students - had heard rumours of the plan. Nobody warned Joe Cinque. He died one Sunday, in his own bed, of a massive dose of Rohypnol and heroin. His girlfriend and her best friend were charged with murder.

Helen Garner followed the trials in the ACT Supreme Court. Compassionate but unflinching, this is a book about how and why Joe Cinque died. It probes the gap between ethics and the law; examines the helplessness of the courts in the face of what we think of as "evil"; and explores conscience, culpability, and the battered ideal of duty of care.

Review

I thought it would’ve been easier to review and rate a Helen Garner novel considering I’ve already read some of her works. I was wrong.

I’m struggling to really put into words, and have been for say the past year now, how I really felt or thought about Joe Cinque’s Consolation. That’s not to say this was a bad read, far from it actually. It is just difficult, at least for me, to review/rate a book that is a blend of facts and personal recounts because I never want to tread on someone else’s personal perspective in a negative manner.

In saying that, Garner has presented a bizarre and horrifying case in her own way, opening not only the case itself but also her writing to invitation for thought, judgement and debate. Garner's strong point is her ability to weave personal anecdotes, relatable to the everyday reader, into the crime narrative. It allows people to better understand the case. It does require patience though, as Garner's writing pace is slow and methodic. It feels as though every sentence that Garner writes has been thought over for many hours, each point intentional. I really like that from Garner, the fact that, as she is mulling over her own thoughts and decisions, she is also bringing us along on that journey. Carefully, peeling back the covers to reveal to us an image we would not have seen beyond just what is being reported about the trial, the victim and the perpetrator. However, there is no forcefulness. She is just nudging us, not in a direction that she deems correct per se, but more so so that we start thinking. At least, for me, I was thinking, and thinking hard. I was thinking about the context of the crime, the participants to and of the crime and the consequences of it all.

It is easy to categorise things as black and white - the law does that. Yet, Garner makes us see the various shades between the black and white. She does this by not just recounting the facts of the case, but by drawing on family and friends personal stories and experiences with Anu and Joe. She conducts research on their background, their personalities and overall paints a story for us to better understand them as people - not just perpetrator and victim. What I really liked about Joe Cinque's Consolation is that in her journey to find out who Joe and Anu was, Garner discovers and builds a bond with those involved - especially Joe's family. She doesn't let that become a bias in her narrative, but rather, Garner explores the idea that in any crime it is not just the perpetrator and victim involved. It is not only the victim that is affected and the perpetrator held responsible for their actions. There are people who suffer pain and loss as a consequence, whilst other are indirectly blamed and held accountable despite not committing the crime.

In short, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Joe Cinque's Consolation. Whether it's because, as any other person, I am drawn towards stories of crime - the more bizarre and terrifying, the more fascinated we (or maybe just I) am. Or the fact that Garner covered the case in a thorough and engrossing manner, Joe Cinque's Consolation remains a memorable and thought-provoking read.

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